Dancing on Ice – Right, let’s try this again…

If I were ITV, I would make a massive effort to, um, engage the British public tonight.

Because last week didn’t go very well. It was all a bit boring really.

It isn’t that it is a terrible show because it really isn’t. It’s a wonderful idea for a competition and it is certainly a very popular program…in about 6 weeks when the rubbish are gone and the programs are shorter. Just, the adverts ruin it for me and many others. It is so hard to concentrate on a program and fall in love with it for 2 hours when at least 50 of those 120 minutes are Virgin Atlantic telling us Linda is in flaming Miami or some poor sod serenading on a train platform with a ukulele (she is just too scared to get on her damn train)

Tonight is the second of the ‘induction’ weeks where another will bail [un]gracefully out of the ice arena for good but not before we are put through the nations favourite endurance test witnessing 8 mental celebrities take to the ice for their first live routine of 2012. We will no doubt see falls and tantrums. Tricks and twirls. The good the bad and the ugly of the skating world. All under, of course, the watchful eyes of Louie Spence, Katarina Witt and Head Robin Cousins who will be offering completely different scoring to the rest of the public (apparently it is based on something called ‘skating’ but who cares?)

The ice is cold, the rink is packed, the celebrities are shaking, the autocue is written and the adverts are lined up ready. So let’s give it another shot.

Professional opening and Pixie Lott

Can I be the first to ask what the hell she is wearing? It is DISGUSTING. The skating is high class of course but I can’t really comment on it as I can’t see – the camera man seems obsessed with showing me Pixie and her little fairies shaking their bottoms.

Jennifer Ellison and Daniel Whiston – Bei Mir Bist Du Shein skate

*20 minutes* into the show and we finally have a skate. Ah, this song is ‘to me you are beautiful’ in Yiddish.

Action packed routine their from Jen and Dan – lots of clever choreography. Confident first skate once she got into it. Looked like she owned the ice and that confidence really helped her to get the best out of that routine and make a brilliant first impression.

Judges scores = Louie 5.5, Robin 5, Katarina 5 = 15.5/30

That little hole in Katarina’s top there? Where you put the batteries.

Sam Nixon and Alexandra Schauman – Fascination skate

DAD DANCING ALERT. But by god he can actually skate. Yeah he looks like he could go over at any given moment but he is actually managing to move around the ice fairly decently and pull off some kicks – all whilst remembering to breathe! Wow that was fast!

Judges scores = Louie 4.5, Robin 5.5, Katarina 5.5 = 15.5/30

Rosemary Conley and Mark Hanretty – Fernando skate

Woops, nearly gone! Nearly. Very nearly. I’m surprised that stumble didn’t shatter her confidence completely really, and then especially to then do a lift at the end without so much as a flinch. It was, well, a first skate in its foundation stage really. She managed to perform though and she did handle the rest of the choreography. Once she beats those nerves, I think she might actually be a middle-of-the-road contestant.

Judges scores = Louie 3.5, Robin 4.5, Katarina 4.5 = 12/5/30

Two skates. I’m exhausted. Need a break.

Laila Morse and Lukasz Rozycki – My girl skate

Looking quite unsteady throughout and deeply reliant on Lukasz for her upkeep. Surprised they actually went with the lift because of her shoulder and also because of her clear un-confidence about herself and also about the ice. Felt that the choreography was either walking on the ice or way too over her head but we shall see. Probably the GBP vote…

Judges scores = Louie 3.0, Robin 3.0, Katarina 3.5 = 9.5/30

Sebastien Foucan and Brianne Delcourt – Clocks skate

Somebody who ‘invented’ the art of running and jumping should be good with the stamina at least.

Lucky he didn’t break his wrist on the first roll, cocky sod. Love the speed around the ice though – their is no denying he looks like a skater already. High class routine – especially for a first attempt. Strong footwork and nice lines too.

Judges scores = Louie 5.0, Robin 6.0, Katarina 6.5 = 17.5/30

Chico and Jodeyne Higgins – Wild thing skate

Of course that would be his introduction. Thankfully they can only use that one once. Can they? Uh oh…

Well he’s balancing at least and now he’s skating! So he can do more than announced the wrong time at regular intervals. Tricky lifts for him to do as well which he managed perfectly and his bubbling personality shone through. Not bad. Really not bad.

It’s judging time = Louie 6.0, Robin 6.0, Katarina 6.5 = 18.5/30

Corey Feldman and Brooke Castile – Summer of ‘69 skate

post-1629-1238089927What is that in his hair? Chewing gum? Seriously mate, it looks terrible. Scissors please. And he can’t skate. Brilliant start.

There we go, he is skating! Clinging onto Brooke for dear life but he isn’t any visibley worse than any of the others tonight! He just needs to shake those nerves and perfect his kicks and footwork before tackling any higher class choreography. If we keep him in that is.

Judges scores = Louie 3.5, Robin 4.0, Katarina 3.5 = 11/30

That playboy bunny gag actually made me laugh. But what a prat turning up with the bunnies. Really now.

Matthew Wolfenden and Nina Ulanova – Give me everything skate

Jeez he’s good. Very very steady skater and making some lovely lines there when he lifts Nina. Brilliant footwork – sharp and in time. Saved the best until last. Class. I really do not have a bad word to say. And that choreography was brilliant.

Judges scores = Louie 7.0, Robin 6.5, Katarina 7.0 = 20.5/30

Ha twitter is having fun at the moment with the silly names that they give to the moves. We are convinced they just make them up.

Anyway we appear to have made it through another long show. Think I got more into it this week actually! Better standard of skating I think! However, one must go. And at 9.30pm we shall know whom.

Until then,

Natasha x


Posted on January 15, 2012, in Dancing on Ice and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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